The first step in starting a blog when you are stupid (I am saying this about myself, so it is totally fine – I can call myself whatever I want) is buying a computer. Because to be able to blog is to have a computer. One might be able to blog on a tablet or smartphone. I am a Basic Bitch in many ways, especially when it comes to technology. I do not know how to blog on a tablet or smartphone. Computer shopping here I come.
So, I need to buy a computer that is cheap and does shit and things. I am willing to spend $300, and I need to be able to type on it and upload pictures. I want it to have photo editing capabilities. Basically, I want to look skinny in all the pictures, that’s where the photo editing comes in. Some people are willing to post “natural pictures” of themselves to the World Wide Web. I am not one of those people. My list of “computer wants” seems reasonable. I had a typewriter in the 80’s that could do most of these things.
Here was my plan: Tell my Sexy-Hunk-a-Man-Meat (aka my boyfriend) that I need a computer; tell him how much I am willing to spend; have him do all the research; have him order the computer for me; give him the money for the computer he found for me; open the box when it comes to my house and have SHMM answer any questions I have about the computer; and have him help me get it to do the shit and things I need it to do. Easy peasy.
Here is what actually happened: SHMM took his job very seriously and spent hours looking at computers online. He researched what they could do, how fast they could do things, and the amount of storage they had. Then, to top it off, he would have me look at each and every one of the computers. Apparently, I did not communicate ‘My Computer Buying Plan’ to him very well (I wonder if my communication skills have something to do with why I am divorced?). What exactly is so hard to understand? You find it. I buy it. Dunzo.
So one morning when SHMM were together, after (what felt like) hours of this computer research, SHMM finally took a break and went to the bathroom. I took this opportunity to log onto my Groupon account and search ‘laptop computers.’
Guess what? There are a shit ton of cheap computers on Groupon. Most of them are classified as Scratch and Dent or refurbished, but whatever, I am all about character and I don’t discriminate even when it comes to computers. Especially when the price is right.
When SHMM came out of the bathroom, I showed him what I found on Groupon (insert screenshot of MacBook Air from Groupon here). He said, “Wow! That is a great deal on that computer.” I said “Really?’ He said, “Yes, maybe I should buy one.” I clicked ‘Order Now’ and said, “Hmmm, I wonder when it will arrive? Will you take pictures of me unboxing my new computer? I told Margaret that I would do a blog post on Unboxing my Groupon Computer. She is really excited about it.”
SHMM said, “You know you just paid $340 for that MacBook Air? Your budget was $300.”
Should I tell him that it was worth it to spend $40 over my actual budget to stop researching computers? My brain gets kind of numb after researching anything for more than 10 mins. I am pretty sure I have that adult A.D.D where you lose interest in things really fast (I think I just made that up).
“That was just a starting point,” I said, “ I wanted to see what I could get for $300. I am excited to buy my first ever computer. And I am comfortable with Apple, because I have had an iPhone for six years, so this computer should be really easy for me to navigate (that makes no sense at all, but I told you I was stupid when it came to technology). I will be learning how to blog from scratch, so having a computer system that I am comfortable with will be nice.”
Now that I have ordered a computer, I can start brainstorming blog post ideas, I can think about what I am going to wear and where I am going to stand in my house when I have SHMM take pictures of me unboxing my new computer, and most importantly, I can figure out how to post an actual blog post to a blog that doesn’t exist yet. Margaret and I have a lot of work to do.